im mrs lonely

i feel so lonely and so jealos i wish i could ahve some one to love and love me back, im tired of getting into bad relationships and if i ever get a good one destroy it complete because i get toa fraid of breaking my hearth ike they always do so i fill up my time with music books and other type of stupid things just not think about it pretending everything is fine when im crushed inside, im not sad becase he leave me im sad because i trusted him and betrayed me again like other one in the list everything was a lie i dont know if he is gay or is he not i dont think so but rght no i dont care i just want to be able to smile again for true happines not just because the beautiful song im listening i want a true love but the worst is that it comes with time and im the worst on giving time i always blow up things because of time to intense well thats the way my love is so intense and so powerful so real would someone give it back?